A Year Has Flown Past

It has been a year.  Really? A year? Yes and that may seem atrocious to most writers and some readers but the fact is that I have been writing. Yes indeed.  Not every day, mind you, but yes, fingers have stroked keys in the past year and I've started a new novel.  More about the new novel later, let's examine why I am here now.  Why now, this Monday morning, am I drawn to Blogspot with a cold cup of coffee at my right elbow and my feet shoved into smelly slippers?  It all started with an email fron Freedom With Writing, an organization that sends out tips for getting writing jobs.  This particular tip covered networking for clients at meetings, which made me realize that I don't have business cards.

Cut to me opening up Pages, my Mac word processing application, and picture me designing business cards.  Actually don't picture that because all I did was use a template, which simplifies the process down to filling in the required information.  But you may picture me putting my picture on the business card, because that's what I did.  I figure a smiling face is hard to crumple up and throw away.  Let's hope so anyway.  So one of the required bits of information was a website address.  "Hey!" I said to myself (not really), "I have one of those."

It had been so long since I'd looked at my blog, I had to Google myself in order to find it.  And like a childhood friend that you used to tease and torture yet has grown up and forgiven you for being jerk, there it was, right where I left it.  And hence, via the pervasive and omnipresent nature of the internet, I had a web address all set to put on my business card.  It's www.howshedoesit.blogspot.com in case you've forgotten where you are.  And that's how I wound up where I am.

Aside from starting the new novel I have discovered a writer's retreat in Vermont.  It's called When Words Count.  It's run by two delightful men who've hired a brilliant chef to feed writers that come for a quiet room with a desk in it.  Every day at 5:00 they have a cocktail hour before dinner in front of a fire in what's known as The Gertrude Stein Room.  You can't beat that for a good time.  Sitting and talking with other writers has never disappointed me.

So here you have it: the first blog post in over a year.  It's better late than never, which, most of the time, is how she does it.

Yaahhh so here I am writing for the second day in a row. Whoop de doo for me. Hooraya! Light the bonfire, send out the dancing girls. Yada yada yada, yay I'm so proud of me. No not really. I mean this is fun and all but it really doesn't take much to just sit here and spew. Digital diaherreah. Graphic goop. Online lines. What evers, what evers, what evers. Wish I could stay and chat but me gots to go entertain some folks!

Ok, so, she has written in her blog for a while. In fact she hasn't written in a while. And by "a while" I mean she can't even tell you when she last wrote. Yeesh. Some "writer." So she's writing today because her therapist told her to write every day. Write anything. Work on the novel, post on her blog, just write dammit. The therapist even said she could write something like:

"Ok so here I am writing, are you satisfied? The only reason I'm writing is because you told me too, this sucks. Yada yada yada, blah blah blah. "

Funny she should mention blah because another member in her group has had so much therapy that she can sum up the prevailing diagnosis/observation of the moment with just "blah, blah, blah." The scary part is that everyone knows what she's talking about. They never have to ask, "I know what you mean by blah, but could you go into a little more detail about blah?" Maybe some wisecracking member should just do that for laughs some time. I know just the member.

Because that, ladies and germs, is how she does it.

It's good to be back.

To Do or Not To Do

She loves to be alone. Perhaps this is more pronounced since she became a mother, which if you are one you understand that after this life-changing event, solitude is never quite achieved again. Children tend to occupy your thoughts in their absence. Especially if you are convinced that you are The Worst Mother in the World. But that is a different post entirely.

Household chores also tend to creep around the edges and like termites bite into her aloneness. It's not the actual doing of them that invades her empty spaces, it's the sitting around and looking at what needs to be done. She resists housework the way some women resist exercise. Ok she resists exercise too, but the point is, when her family can't eat, wear clean clothes, or walk across the living room without twisting an ankle, you'd think she'd get at least a little motivated to do something...anything.

She wants you to know that it isn't that bad. She is just not as motivated as she could be today. In fact she just got home with some groceries. If only there were someone around that would put them away for her.

Staring at groceries on the kitchen counter. Today, at least, this is how she doesn't do it.

Where Was I Going Again?

She would love to runaway sometimes. She would runaway to either Kripalu, an expensive yoga retreat, or a commune, depending on what she could afford. The thing about a commune is, she would miss you. She imagines there would be no internet or cell phone service. She also imagines herself harvesting turnips from dawn to dusk and then collapsing into her bunk with hands too calloused to type. Or even pull the thin, scratchy blanket up over her shoulders.

But here's the weird thing. One time she spent five days at Kripalu, and all she did was cry. Fortunately she has ADD so things like shampoo ingredients and the glitter in the ceiling distracted her from crying non-stop. But really, what the heck? Was she overcome with joy or grief? Kripalu seemed like the perfect place to figure it out, but she never did. They have awesome salad bars by the way.

So what is so troubling that she wants to one away? She once met one super nice women with four kids who remarked that she wouldn't be able to be away from her kids for more than one day. This made her feel very guilty. Why does she want to be away from her kids and husband for five, fifteen if she could get away with it, days?

Well for one thing even though she loves talking to people (especially you) at the store, gas station, etc, she really is a loner at heart. She longs for silence and space. And if your house is anything like hers, it has neither. It seems that her kids are either bored, demanding food, or wanting her to fix something on their computers. Yes they each have their own computers. Shameful I know, but it buys her enough time to fold the laundry and stuff. And besides, taking away computer time is an excellent punishment when they do something naughty.

The important thing is that it's ok to have these thoughts. She loves her family more than she can say. She will keep them safe and well-cared for. And her ADD won't let her get far anyway. She's be distracted by the first grocery store and return home and hour later smiling and saying "Guess what? I FINALLY remembered to get aluminum foil!"

Keeping her family safe with aluminum foil, that is how she does it.

Nothing Personal but She Really Likes You

If she runs into you, a perfect stranger, in a coffee shop or a boutique, she really wants to meet you. Because she really likes you. Why? Because You. Are. Awesome. Unless of course you are concealing a weapon, in which case, keep walking. McDonald's is just down the street. Full of children.

But back to you. Do you not know how awesome you are? Just look at you! Chances are high she's coveting your shoes, belt, bag, or shirt. She loves that stuff. Plus you are a whole uncharted galaxy to her. Where do you come from? What do you do? And by the way you're children, if you happen to be with them, are adorable. Don't worry about what the youngest one just did. Been there so many times.

She doesn't care if you're not really wealthy. In fact, she has always found wealthy people to be skittish and sometimes even rude. As if she wants something from them. As if! No, she doesn't want anything from anybody. Money is just a facade when it gets out of the house. It's the clothes, the hair, the bod, the make up, the car. And all that is fine and dandy. But it isn't you, or them, or anybody. She wants to talk to you, not your shoes, although they are really very cute. Seriously though, don't you agree? Money is really good at heating the house, buying the food, clothing the children, and all sorts of other useful things. But once it gets out of the house, well, it tends to get a little showy.

Speaking of getting out of the house, she is just happy about doing just that, which is why she has that sappy smile on her face. And she's been around children all day, so please, PLEASE, talk to her.

Pathetic ramblings about pathetic ramblings she wants to have with you, that is how she does it.

Dinner

So in order to put dinner on the table and to make sure her husband has all the things he loves for breakfast, she sometimes has to go to the grocery store twice a day. Not every day, mind you, just on the days she has decided that the groceries need replenishing. Oh, and about dinner? She only has about four recipes, all of which require frozen food. So you'd think keeping the freezer stocked would be quite easy. Well, for her...not so much. The thing is, she doesn't think about feeding her family much. It's just not in her jukebox of greatest hits. This might be why her husband stopped expecting dinner some time ago. Her children have to start howling before the thought of an evening meal materializes. Awful, isn't it?

Ok you're right, it's more deplorable than awful. And she can't even blame her mother for this one. She grew up in a loving home where a home cooked meals hit the dinner table by 7:00 every night. Take out or delivered foods? Frozen foods? Never. She was in high school before she tasted her first pizza. No lie. So why the extreme divergence from her wholesome childhood?

If she had to guess, she'd say it's because she's more of a 'hands on Mom.' She plays computer games with her kids. She watches TV with them. Although, now that they are nearing their teens, they are starting to spend too much time on the computers by themselves. Hmmmm, this is starting to make her look really bad.

Apparently, this is how she does it: badly.